My last girlfriend gave me a seashell from a trip to Belmar, New Jersey I thought it was incredibly sweet, preferring sentimental gifts to practical ones. Inside, she rubber-cemented a picture we took together with some friends of hers at one of those board-walk photo booths at Ocean City, Maryland. It was a fun trip that I’ll always thank her for.

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I’ve thought a bit more about what Jia said, although the serene calm that fell on me yesterday evening has lifted somewhat. I feel like my old, sinful self—most importantly, I am content. Still I offer another prayer:

A Prayer for the Searching Soul

Dear god, reveal yourself to me. Mere bursts of euphoria, bouts of joy, and spurts of love do not embody your unlimited glory. Show me how I can take you into my heart and I will be your most zealous servant.

Mortal blood pumps within me and limits me. Teach me to fathom your majesty, to sing the triumphs of your name, to understand forgiveness. Show me the way that I might do good in your name and spread hope to those lacking. Cast away my doubts so that I might serve.

Lead me. Command me. Save me.